Ten Years Later

    I don’t know, it feels like a fitting day to write a blog post. MySpace was finally able to recover my old posts from 2006 so I just saved all of those and skimmed over a few of them. Wow, I just realized that was ten years ago. So much has changed since then, just in ways I hadn’t anticipated. I was still hoping to make it as a rapper, no, hoping isn’t the right word. I was actively pursuing it, believing the dream was still attainable. I was finding myself. The lifestyle I had spent years living disconnected me from who I had always been, a person I no longer wanted to be, or more accurately, couldn’t be. I changed parts of me to accommodate the world I was living in. But come 2006, I wasn’t living in that world anymore. Finally able to let my guard down, I took the opportunity to find what I’d lost.

    Ten years later, I’m not where I’d hoped I’d be. In fact I’m no closer to those goals than I was then. Part of me is okay with that, then of course there is and always will be that part of me that wants to achieve the dreams I set for myself so long ago. But in all honesty I don’t want to be part of the music industry anymore, at least not as a career. It’s finally become what perhaps it should have always been, a hobby. But it wasn’t a hobby. It was a lifestyle. It was a lifestyle that saved me and made me who I am. Which is why I still rap today, because I owe it my life. And even though I didn’t make it, it made me.

    Life is good and most importantly, I’m happy. Truly happy. At this time next week we’ll be driving down to CT which we’re excited about. We’ll have five days down there and about ten days worth of stuff to squeeze into it including watching Wrestlemania with my sister and parents, going to a couple flea markets, a few malls, visiting family and friends, doing a photo shoot or two and recording some tracks with my Royal Kingdom brothers, maybe even going on some hiking adventures if we have the time. I can’t wait.

    I recently got a couple raises at work and Jaime just got a promotion that came with a raise so we’re doing quite well financially. It’s a great feeling. We’ve worked so hard for it and earned it after years of struggling yet in a way I feel guilty. It’s a strange feeling because everyone around us is living paycheck to paycheck like we once did, trying to figure out how they’re going to pay their bills and still afford to eat. I don’t want to make them feel bad so I try not to talk about it and find myself feeling guilty when I accidentally let something slip. When I was dirt poor, the last thing I wanted to hear was someone else brag about having money. When someone at work mentioned something being half my paycheck, I didn’t have the heart to tell her I actually make double what she thinks I do.

    So on a side note, I’ve had time to start really cleaning up my studio and getting rid of stuff I don’t need lately. Usually time I would want to spend doing that kind of thing I spend doing dishes and laundry and all the other stuff that piles up but recently we got a maid. Well, sort of, our friend Stephanie loves cleaning so we pay her to come over once a week and do the chores for us. The freedom it gives me is well worth it. The stuff she does is everything I used to start with when cleaning, but now that its already done, I’m able to move on to the other stuff I never had the time or energy to get to. It’s been a month and a half and we’ve cleaned out six or seven totes of stuff, plus I completely rearranged two rooms.

    Not having to clean has also provided me the spare time needed to exercise before work. So we turned the spare bedroom into a home gym. I even got a second weight bench, this one is for heavier weights and my old is for lighter weights but more reps. I set up the new bench a week ago and its paying off already. On the old light weight bench I have an 85 pound bar for presses, curls and a few other moves I couldn’t name if I tried but for months I was trying to hit 40 presses in a row. A week ago I hit it, on Monday I made it to 43, yesterday was 45 and this morning I hit 50. I’ve also been doing some plyometrics, which is a standing vertical leap, I’ve come pretty far in the past month or so as I’m at about 37 inches, just over three feet. And they say white men can’t jump.

    Another reason today felt like a good day to do a blog entry is because I recorded a song for the first time in, holy shit, since February 10 of 2015. It’s been over a year. Wow. So not only did I lose my rapping virginity today, yeah like sex if you haven’t done it in a year it pretty much makes you a virgin again, this was my first time recording on my new digital recorder, the one I’ve always wanted. Alright so I didn’t really do a whole song, I only recorded one verse but it’s a two minute verse I wrote a couple days ago for a song that doesn’t even have a title yet. But it’s set for the Lost In The Light album and will hopefully feature my man Concept on the second verse. This track addresses the racism that white people haven’t been doing a good job of hiding lately. As a white person born and raised in a black and Spanish culture, the remarks I hear on a daily basis from these racist ass redneck crackers up here have been pissing me off. This song lets out some of that aggression. Racism is alive and well in America and unfortunately I only see it getting worse. The fact that white people are still calling my brothers, yes my brothers, niggers and spics is sickening in a way I can’t even put into words. You almost expect it coming from our elders, but to hear my generation and younger using slurs like that in a demeaning manner is unacceptable. I fear for mankind.

    Onto the next topic before I get myself all riled up this late at night. Despite having time to do some deep cleaning, I haven’t had enough time to lay the new rug in the studio. I bought an incredibly soft rug almost a month ago now, I touched it and just had to have it. After rearranging the studio I realized I would need a second carpet because more of the floor is exposed with the new set up but to find one as soft as the one I already have in there would be nearly impossible. That is, until this one came along. It’s like a modern shag carpet, nearly an inch deep, tan and brown. But I’ll have to lift some furniture in order to rotate the other rug and then lay this one. And then a week or so ago, I found the matching runner for it, exact same material. So that one will go in the hallway. I have always loved super soft carpeting.

    Aside from the new rugs and weight bench, I also added a couple new pieces to my action figure collection. I got a Skeletor repaint from the 200x Masters Of The Universe line known as ‘blood’ Skeletor because his armor is a deep shade of red. Jaime got me the out of package figure for Christmas two years ago (the ultimate Christmas of 2014), which is the one I really wanted because he was one of the last few figures I needed to complete the collection but when I saw him in package for a good price I put in my bid and to my surprise actually won. And then, I recently purchased a piece of the Masters Of The Universe holy grail, Grayskull Tower from the Eternia playset. It was the only He-Man playset I didn’t have as a child, the last one ever made. Today they go for thousands of dollars. The set is huge, consisting of three towers, one standing three feet tall, with a working monorail connecting them all. I’ve never even laid my eyes on this playset in real life. I’ve been keeping an eye out for the separate towers for years now, waiting for a good deal. The cheapest I’ve ever seen is $65 so when I saw Grayskull tower at $45, I snatched it up. Granted its just the tower, none of the accessories, it doesn’t matter, it’s beautiful. It sat in the living room for a week before taking up residency on the bathroom counter. Some people have a vase with flowers, I have Grayskull Tower. The problem is now I want the dungeon door that mine is missing, and the other two towers. They’re hard to come by, so the search continues.

    In closing, I want to dedicate this to my dear friend Chrislynn Mierez who would have turned 32 today. It’s only been ten months but I miss you and hope to see you in my dreams again soon.